February 13th
by FujoshiPrince
Summary: He could always go with Buttercup, but she'd either rip him apart, or get hungry and use that as an excuse to eat him alive. Pokey Oaks High has a Valentine's dance, and Butch can't think of anyone suitable to ask out. Until he meets a certain Puff's Viletown counterpart.


**A/N: CAUTION. You are perhaps about to read the worst PPG fanfic in the history of bad PPG fanfics, written by yours truly. Go on if you wish, but prepare yourself for the crap.**

April the thirteenth. The date dreaded by teens everywhere. The day of embarrassment. The day where horrors too dreadful to even speak of took place. The day right before Valentine's day. Butch hated the day before Valentine's Day even more than the actual day. It was the day when any sort of humiliation could take place. Mitch Mitchelson liked to call it 'The Night of the Female Vengeance' and Butch had to agree. If a girl had a grudge against a guy for any reason, all she had to do to get back at him was to reject his Valentine proposal, and that was the end of the guy. The guy didn't even have to ask the girl, she could make it up, and everyone would believe it. Leading to a lifetime of embarrassment for the guy.

The day before Valentine's Day SUCKED.

This year was going to be the worst of the lot though. He was seventeen this year. It was the year that you were expected to have a Valentine, because Pokey Oaks High was celebrating its thirtieth anniversary, and was holding a valentine dance to help the students get in the mood. Butch normally managed to get by by asking some random girl out, but this year was different. The adults, for the life of them, could not understand why, but even the most oblivious of students knew.

Dances made things official. And gossip spread like wildfire. If he went with Bunny, rumors that he only went with her to piss off Buttercup would start circulating in no time. If he went with Eliza, the principal's daughter, it would be because he wanted to get on the principal's good side, and that would mean he was a Goody-Goody-Two-Shoes. If he went with Blossom, it would be because he wanted to get Brick jealous. If he went with Bubbles, he was a rapist. _He just __**couldn't **__win! _

The day before Valentine's Day SUCKED.

Right now, Butch was flying over the neighborhoods of Townsville, trying to remember who each house belonged to, if they went to Pokey Oaks High, and would they go to the dance with him without starting a chain of gossip. The grey and white structure of the Utonium household soon came into view. Butch didn't even consider flying down. Even if the Professor let one of his precious baby girls go with a _Rowdyruff,_ Buttercup sure as hell wouldn't. And there was nothing like a black eye to get the grapevine going.

Mitchelson household. Oh hell no. If he went with Mary, Mitch's younger sister, Mitch would never forgive him. Schneider household. No, Robin was dating Mike. Believe household. Nope. There was only one girl in Mike's family, his older sister Kitty who worked at a strip club, and Butch did _not _want to be seen with a cougar. And a stripper cougar at that. Morbucks mansion. Oh fuck no. There was _no fucking way _he was going to the dance with _Princess. _Not even if he was paid. Edendale household. Well...maybe... He flew down, and was about to knock on the door, then decided against it. He couldn't risk it. The Edendale girls: Caymina, Clarence, Catherine, Cacey, and Cayla were regular contributors to the school paper. They would reject him just for kicks. Especially Cayla. She was the best looking of the five, but had a heart of ice. 'INFAMOUS ROWDYRUFF BUTCH REJECTED BY CAYLA EDENDALE. HOW FAR WILL HE GO?' Yeah. No.

In around half an hour, he had flown around the entire of Townsville, and still had not found a suitable date. He was beginning to lose hope. Maybe he could just stay at home? No, Boomer would rat him out, and well, that would just be a field day for the school paper. He may have done everything with his brothers as a kid, but that didn't make them like each other. Especially in Boomer's case. There were some days where Butch would wake up with dog shit in his bed, and seriously regret constantly bullying his blonde-haired brother when they were young.

He flew over to the river and sat at the edge of the bank. The water lapped at his jeans and soaked his sneakers, but the coolness was surprisingly soothing. "So this is it, then?" he murmured. He had no date for the dance, and his life was going to end when he showed up at the dance tomorrow. He was a Rowdyruff boy. He blew up cities for fun. But there was something about _school _that made him stop in his tracks. Was it just him, or was living in the same town as the Powerpuff girls making him nicer? A mosquito landed on his left arm, and he lazered it with his eyes. Right at the back of his head, he could hear a little voice telling him that he had forgotten something, that there was still hope, but he couldn't remember, and the voice wasn't telling him, and so that was that.

He opened his eyes, unsure of when they closed, and then proceeded to jump out of his skin.

_Blossom Utonium _was sitting next to him, watching the patterns that the setting sun and tree leaves were casting over the river intently. She reached into the water which shone like a million diamonds, let it trickle out through the gaps in her fingers and laughed. Only, it wasn't a very Blossom-like laugh at all.

Blossom's laugh was silvery and tinkling. Well, that was how Brick described it when he went off on his daily tangent of describing how wonderful Blossom was. This girl's laugh was a hoarse and throaty cackle. She turned to face him and grinned. "You know what would be awesome?" she asked. Her voice was scratchier and deeper than Blossom's as well. "If we could take the carbon that idiots waste and turn it into diamonds,"

Butch stared at her. "_What_?"

The girl only laughed again. He wasn't sure if it was just the way the light shone over her hair, her beautiful long auburn hair that cascaded down her back, but Butch could've sworn that her eyes were red instead of pink. She got up and stretched and Butch gaped. Okay, now he knew the girl couldn't be Blossom, simply because she was better-looking. Blossom was pretty, yes, but she didn't have the _curves _that this girl had. For a second he wished that she wasn't wearing the red vest over her shirt so he could get a better look at her. _Call me a pervert, but hey, it helps, _he thought. The girl yawned, took a step backward, then slipped on the wet mud and fell into the river.

"SHIT!" she yelled. The river must've been deeper than it looked, because she spent a good ten minutes flailing around before she managed to grab hold of a tangle of roots and haul herself back onto dry land.

Butch couldn't help but laugh. He nearly collapsed on the bank and fell into the river himself. After a while, the initial humor wore away, and Butch noticed the girl glaring at him. He faltered, and was about to apologize, but then saw her face break into a smile. "Asshole!" she exclaimed, slapping him playfully on the arm. "Bitch, I could've died!"

Butch snorted. "Died? In three feet of water? What are you, a witch?"

"Hey! You didn't fall in! You don't know how it feels!" Butch started laughing again. The girl stuck her tongue out at him, reached over, and pushed _him _into the river. Butch yelled out in surprise. The river _was _deeper than it looked. Much to his annoyance, his arms began to thrash around in the ice-cold water. The girl screamed with laughter, and began to pull off clods of grass and mud from the riverbank and throw them into his face. "HA! FEEL WHAT I FEEL, MOTHERFUCKER! FEEL WHAT I FEEL!"

Butch finally managed to pull himself out of the water. He lay on the ground for a few seconds, panting, letting some of the water seep out of his clothes. The girl was pounding her fists on the ground, trying to stop herself from guffawing at his misfortune. His reaction must've been even funnier than hers, because she kept laughing non-stop for another six minutes until she ran out of breath and had to stop. "Ohhhh…ohhhh…you silly little shit!" she snickered.

"I hate you," he grumbled, and her grin disappeared. They glared at each other before both exploding into fits of laughter again.

When the comedy of the situation had finally vanished, Butch stuck out his hand, his hand which was now coated with mud and bits of grass. "I'm Butch. Butch Jojo,"

The girl shook it with her equally dirty hand. "Berserk Plutonium,"

Butch crossed his legs, trying to ignore the crawling sensation that was probably an earwig crawling up his leg. "I haven't seen you around. What school do you go to? Where do you live?"

Berserk pulled a soggy biscuit out of the pocket of her vest and crammed it into her mouth. "Welw," she replied, her voice muffled by the biscuit, "creeper much? But anywaysh, I ushed to 'ive in a plashe called Viletown, an' reshently we moved 'ere. I wive at Numbah 37 Townshville Drive-"

"That's one away from where I live! And two away from where the Powerpuffs live!"

"Weally? Shweet! Anywaysh, I jusht shtarted shchool today at Pokey Oaksh High. I have Mish Shzeen ash my 'omeroom. 'pparently there'sh shome shit about a Valentine danshe going around? I gotsh two shishtersh, an' dey got datesh, one'sh going with shome Boomer fellow, and the other'sh going wif someone named Mitch. But I gotsh no one at da moment. Not like I give a shit anywaysh,"

Butch nodded. "Yeah, I have no idea who to go with either. If I don't find someone soon, I'll have to go with _Nicholas_. The press will have a fucking party if I go with _Nicholas_,"

"Well," said Berserk, swallowing the remains of her biscuit, and reaching for another one, "You heard of Doctor Seuss? Well, he once said something like 'Be yourself and do what you want, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.' I think it could help you a lot," she grinned, then shivered and blew a small stream of flames onto her palms.

_So she's a superhuman as well. This is getting better and better, _thought Butch. "I don't underst- I'M NOT GAY!" he yelled as he realized what the redhead was hinting at.

Berserk shrugged. "Just saying. You should pretend you're gay if you can't find a date, though. It could help. I would, but I suck at it. Ugh. My mom's always going on about how I should get a nice handsome boyfriend, and eventually husband, but everyone I've met so far is a douche. Either a douche, a nerd, or gay," she paused. "'Cept for you. You're pretty cool, I guess. You'd make an _awesome _husband. Just saying," she said it as casually as one might say that they liked sweets.

"Hey..then…nevermind,"

Berserk eyed him suspiciously. "Speak,"

"You wouldn't mind going to the dance with me, would you?"

There was a deafening, deafening silence. Then Berserk cheered, "FUCKING FINALLY!" Butch stared at her in confusion and she laughed. "I was _wondering _when you'd ask once we found out we went to the same school. Sure! Why the hell not, am I right?"

Butch felt his heart leap. He chuckled. "Oh god. Mojo's gonna be so fucking pissed when he finds out I didn't choose a normal person as a date. He's going to flip shit,"

Berserk got up and brushed the dirt off the back of her pants. "Those who matter don't mind," she reached out a hand and pulled Butch to his feet. "Hey, you know what? It's like, a formal sort of dance, right? You know what would be awesome? _Wearing matching suits_,"

"The fuck?"

"Shit son, don't look at me like that. It's not _that _weird. I mean, I could tie up my hair, and wear a suit with a dress underneath or some shit. And just when people are thinking you're gay, BAM! Dress off! Scare the shit out of Blossy," she imitated the movement of tearing clothing off. "Surprise, motherfucker!"

Butch cackled. "_Or, _you could just wear a suit with _nothing _underneath. That's pretty good proof right there. And you don't like Blossom?"

"Perv!" she hit him on the chest. "And I don't dislike Blossy. I _hate _her. Goody-fucking-two-shoes," she crossed her eyes and began to walk around a tree a few feet away from the riverbank flamboyantly. "Ooooh! I'm Blossom! I'm so fucking fabulous! Love me! I'm made of Everything Nice, motherfucker! Look at dis shit! Look at it! I'm just so fucking _wonderful, _with my _nnnneerrrd _glasses, and my huge-ass bow that makes me pedo jailbait, and my pink eyes. Look at dese fuckers! Aww. Yiss. Motha. Fuckin'. Pink. Eyes. Haters to the left, I'm _fabulous_,"

Butch choked on air laughing.

Berserk grinned, tossed her hair back, and flew into the sky, followed by a streak of red slightly darker than his brother's that contrasted brilliantly with the night sky. "Come on, _nerd. _We gotta get our shit sorted. I need to get a dress that'll fit under a suit. You need to get…a suit,"

Butch licked his lips, thinking about how tight and short a dress had to be until it fit under a suit. Before he flew away, he turned and waved,

"Bye Berserk!"

"Bye Butch!"

((line here))

Brick threw the newspaper down and Boomer winced. _Here it comes, _he thought.

"Where the _fuck _is he?" roared Brick, "it's fucking nine. _Nine, _Boomer. I swear, if that fucker doesn't turn up in less than ten minutes, I will-" he was interrupted by the window shattering and Butch flying in through it, looking very satisfied with himself. "Fucking finally!" yelled Brick. Boomer groaned as the mug of black coffee in his hand shattered. Mojo had made it clear that only girl superhumans could use the sonic scream, but sometimes Boomer wondered if he had forgotten to make an exception for Brick. Either that, or Brick was a girl.

Butch flipped his brother off with both hands. "Guess what? I got a date! Oh hell yes! You thought I couldn't do it? Well, _I _got a _date _motherfuckers! Take that!" he strode up the stairs into the room, and slammed the door behind him so hard that the entire house seemed to shudder.

Brick seemed at loss for words. He seemed to crumple down into his armchair. "He got a date,"

Boomer took a deep breath and nodded whilst pouring himself another mug of coffee.

A grin slowly spread across Brick's face, and he motioned for Boomer. Boomer walked over to him, wondering what he wanted. Brick took out a piece of paper, and wrote '$30,000' on it. "Hey Boomer, how much money did you get from last night's raid?"

"Uhhhh…twenty three thousand dollars?"

"I bet sixty thousand dollars that Butch's date is just a blow-up doll,"

Boomer considered it. He had his doubts about what sort of girl it was, but he was _pretty sure _that his brother could get a date. He turned on his phone, checking how much money he had in his bank account. He sneered down at his older brother. "You're _on_,"

((line here))

"You poor bitch," mused Brat, slowly flipping through her copy of 'Women's Weekly'.

Berserk raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about, _slut_?"

Brat's face twisted into an evil smile. "You call yourself the ultimatum, but you can't even get yourself a _date_,"

Berserk held up a finger and smiled. "Au contraire, my dear whore of a sister. I _do _have a date. An awesome date, who _IS A GUY, _in case you were wondering. Which is more than I can say for you. You got a _pretty boy. _And Brute…okay, I can't insult Brute because I have no idea what Mitch is like. Oh well, I bet he's an asshole,"

Brute merely grunted, her attention fixated on the screen of her laptop.

Brat screwed up her nose. "You got a date? We'll see about that!"

At the mention of 'date', Her burst into the room. "Oh, Brat!" she cooed, wrapping her arms around the blonde-haired Powerpunk's neck and pinching her cheeks with her claws. "_That _isn't a nice thing to say, isn't it? Say sorry, why don't you? You're just a little unfaithful, and we simply _must _eliminate that!"

"Fuck off," grumbled Brat, but she was smiling. A few years ago, upon seeing the clawed entity of kindness, they would've either run away, or proceeded to beat the hell out of her. But she _had_ helped them escape from the Oppressor, and she _had _bought them a house, and so now, they viewed her as a friend, and occasionally, a mentor and doting parent.

Her waltzed over to Berserk and hugged her as well. "I'm proud of you, honey! You're really growing up into a fine, lovely woman! And you're so pretty!"

Berserk stuck out her tongue. "Getcho lesbian claws offa me!" she said jokingly, lightly pushing her away, but not before using the tip of one of Her's claws to pry open her can of soda.

Her kissed Berserk on the forehead, before spinning over to Brute. Brute didn't give her a chance for a hug. Without even taking her eyes off the laptop's screen, she reached out and shoved Her away. Brute's hand caught Her in the face, and she sighed forlornly. "Oh darling dear, a hug never hurt anyone, rrrrrright?" Brute was evidently in a good mood, because she didn't attempt to hurt her again. Her giggled, waved them all goodbye, and then skipped up the steps. Berserk made a face at her, and took a swig of the soda.

"Hey," spoke up Brute, "according to tumblr, we share 60% of our DNA with a banana,"

"Really?" they heard Her croon, "that must be why it feels so good and natural to shove one up my ASS!"

Brat's eyes widened, and she slowly turned in the direction of the staircase, making a small whining, crying sound. Brute did so as well but stayed silent, a half eaten chocolate croissant dropping out of her mouth and landing in her lap. Berserk felt the can of soda drop out of her hand, not realizing that she had loosened her grip. She coughed, choking on the gulp of soda that she had only just taken.

There was a deafening, deafening silence.

And then screams of terror and disgust mixed with delighted laughter rang out through the street.

The day before Valentine's Day was AWESOME.


End file.
